A random assortment of my observations and thoughts

With all apologies to Jack Handey, author of Deep Thoughts, here’s some of my tweeted attempts at funny sayings and observations.

Nervous about public speaking? Picture your audience in their underwear. Unless it’s a nudist colony, then that trick doesn’t work so great.

An ad for a new diet plan promises you’ll lose 20 pounds in 30 days without exercising. The pounds must come from the arm and leg you lost to pay for it.

Glass half empty = bad? Glass half full = good? Personally, I think it depends on what’s in the glass.

Is it just me or do lots of kids have horizontal incontinence? As soon as they lie down for bed they suddenly have to pee every 10 minutes.

I saw a sign outside of a business that read “Psychic Readings – call for appt” and I thought, shouldn’t they just know when you’re coming?

I sometimes wonder if the Rapture hasn’t already happened and we didn’t know it because no one got to go.

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